"We avoid the things that we're afraid of because we think there will be dire consequences if we confront them. But the truly dire consequences in our lives come from avoiding things that we need to learn about or discover."
-- Shakti Gawain, Author of 'Creative Visualization'
When we are faced with a difficult challenge, we often get anxious. It could be a result of fear (e.g. fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection), worry, pride (too proud to ask for help), expectations (the should's, perfectionism), guilt, etc. When we get overwhelmed by the challenge or the resulted anxiety, sometimes we would look away in denial, or avoid facing the challenge with "busyness". We try to make ourselves so busy with other tasks so that we wouldn't have time to face the challenge that overwhelms us. Some people bury themselves in their work. Some might use other unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol, emotional eating, or drugs.
How about those who are unhappy with themselves? They might neglect their self-care and focus completely on taking care of others, in an attempt to make themselves feel better or worthy of love.
By avoiding, instead of confronting the challenges, we might miss the best timing & opportunity to solve the problems, and as a result, end up with an even bigger problem.
Can you relate to this?
We often think of anxiety as a negative feeling to avoid, but the truth is, anxiety (and all the physical symptoms that come with it) is not all bad. Have you ever noticed that you get anxious when you know you're onto something big, or something great is about to happen?
Anxiety can serve as a good indicator that you are faced with an opportunity to grow and make important choices. It's a gentle reminder from your body & unconscious mind that you need to pause and think about it, so you can make a conscious choice. It's when you keep ignoring the signal & avoiding the real issue, that the anxiety becomes chronic stress, which wrecks havoc to your physical and emotional well-being.
So, what do you do when you feel like running away & sticking your head in the sand? Here are some questions to ask yourself.
- What are you avoiding/hiding/denying?
- What are you afraid of?
- What's the worst thing that could happen?
- If you turn and look DIRECTLY at your challenge, what do you notice?
When you feel stuck, you can only see one way of looking at your issue and you don't like the solution you see (or you don't see any at all). One way of getting yourself unstuck is to try to look at your challenge from a "3rd person perspective". If your best friend (or daughter or student, etc) comes to you with this challenge, what advice would you give him/her?
Another good exercise is to ask a friend (or your coach) to brainstorm with you. The goal is to come up with "out of the box" ideas and solutions. Set a timer for 2 minutes, and try to come up with as many ideas as possible. Go for quantity instead of quality here. Don't censor yourself. Give yourself permission to verbalize any "crazy" ideas that come to mind during the exercise. A lot of innovative solutions come from "crazy" ideas.
If nothing else works, having a good laugh might relax your mind & body enough, and get your brain out of the rut. Give it a shot and have fun!
Labels: attitude, conscious choice, empowerment, Intensive Self-Care, managing emotions, mental fitness, overcoming fears, personal development, perspective, success
I was meant to read this. I have to give a talk in front of my peers tomorrow and I hate public speaking. Thanks so much. It's just what I needed.