As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the intentions we set for our
coaches matermind group is to to enhance our professional growth by practicing specific coaching skills and sharing case studies during our meetings. In our August meeting, I was in charge of coaching skill practice. Bonny, the most experienced coach among us, and the one who initiated this coaches mastermind group, requested that I demonstrate the coaching process of
"coaching the gremlin", or, as I like to call it,
"transforming the gremlin".
What happened was that, two years ago, at another coaches meeting at Bonny's house, I demonstrated the same process that I learned from coaching school (
iPEC Coaching). Apparently Bonny was very impressed by it, and she wanted to see me do the same process again. Everyone in our coaches mastermind group are Certified Empowerment Coaches who graduated from the same coaching school, so we all learned this process in school. It's not something new to them. That's why I was honored that Bonny asked me to demonstrate "coaching the gremlin" again for other new coaches to see.
What are Gremlins?What are the gremlins I'm referring to? You can think of gremlins as these ugly little green monsters who sit on your shoulder and tell you all kinds of negative things about you: "You are not smart enough", "You are not good enough", "Who do you think you are", "You will never make it", "You don't deserve to be loved", "You are an imposter and people can see right through you", etc. Some people call it "negative self-talk" or "the inner critic". The central message is,
"You are not good enough". Are you familiar with these gremlin messages?
These gremlins were usually created in childhood or somewhere in your past, when you encountered a painful experience. Their job was to protect you from experiencing the same painful experience again. The problem is, as you grow, personally and professionally, you might not need such "protection" any more, but your gremlin still
insists on doing his/her job.
Imagine overprotective parents who are still trying to "protect" their adult child, and you can see the problem.For example, you did a poor job in 4th grade with a school presentation and felt humiliated. Your gremlin was then created to prevent you from attempting any public speaking, so that you won't embarrass yourself again. Or, your parents divorced when you were little, so you were very afraid of being abandoned again. Your grmlin might tell you not to get too close to anyone in an intimate relationship, or you might sabotage your own relationship, just to avoid the pain of abandonment.
As you can see, the result is, your gremlin becomes a major roadblock that hold you back and prevent you from reaching your desired destination.
The Essense of Your GremlinYou must remember two things about gremlins:
a) your gremlin was created by you and is a part of you;
b) your gremlin is an energy, and an energy cannot be destroyed.This concept is of course very different from popular psychology.
Since your gremlin is a part of you, and it's an energy, if you treat your gremlin as an enemy that needs to be overcome & conquered, you will only create more resistance and "counteracting force" from your gremlin. Does this make sense?
Coaching the GremlinSo, what do you do with your gremlin? That's where this coaching process comes in.
Since your gremlin is a part of you, he/she needs to be acknowledged and validated, just like you do. Further more, an energy cannot be destroyed, but it can be redirected. So, in a nutshell, what we do during this "coaching the gremlin" process is to redirect the gremlin energy and transform your gremlin into someone who gives you strength and support you on your way. So, instead of pitting against your biggest enemy who possess enormous energy, we help you "enroll" your gremlin as a helping force instead.
The process of course is much deeper and complicated, and it required hard work from both the coach and the client. Usually you don't attempt this process until you have worked with a client for a while, know his/her gremlin well, and feel confident that your client is ready and willing to do the work to break free from the gremlin.
However, during our coaches mastermind meeting, I had to coach a new coach who I've only met a few times and I totally had no clue about her gremlin, and I had to demonstrate this process live in front of other coaches. That's a real challenge! But, you know me, I enjoy a good challenge.
Coaching in ActionWhen you coach someone you don't really know, on something so profound, with such limited time, you need to ask really good probing questions, and listen deeply, to get to the bottom of things. At first, I could feel some resistance coming from my "client" when I was trying to grasp exactly in what way her gremlin has been impacting her life. She talked about how certain limiting beliefs and social injustice are impacting most women in general, but didn't answer my question directly. With a live audience (other coaches) watching, it was more challenging to stay focused. I was able to stay extremely focused on her, and kept on probing. After a few more questions, she finally opened up to me and I got the bottomline of her issue. Once I figured out her gremlin, the rest of the process was easier. The change of energy in the room was incredible when she crossed an imaginary line as a symbol of transformation and declaration of her new reality.
Ending on a High NoteAfter we wrapped up the session and our meeting, other coaches came to pat me on my back for a job well done. I wasn't sure about how well I did for my client, until I received a personal note from her. She has given me permission to use her note as a testimonial, so I'd like to share it with you here:
"Dear Hueina...
I wanted to send you a hand written note to tell you how much I appreciated your coaching.
I was very impressed by your ability and very grateful for your gift to me. Your style engenders trust, quiet strength, nurturing, and peace. Pretty remarkable!
I'm so pleased our paths have crossed."
Christina M. Genest, MA
Assistant Director
Corporate Communication InstituteIt always feels incredibly exhilirating and rewarding when I hear first hand about how I have helped someone or made a difference in some way. I'm grateful and honored that my coaching has helped her transform her gremlin and take a big step toward
the ultimate freedom.
Note: Related post:
Is Your Life Haunted?Labels: accountability, authentic self, awareness, coaching, getting support, making changes, mastermind, personal development, transforming limiting beliefs
" by SuEllen Hamkins and Renee Schultz. The book talks about how the authors created their own mother-daughter group to help their daughters years ago, how you can create your own group, and what age-appropriate issues you could discuss during your group meetings.